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Things I've Leant Through Losing Friends

August 14, 2017

I am 20 years old, through those 20 years I have gained friends and lost them. Unlike what most people might think by that sentence I am not sad by this, this situation and through loosing friends and not talking to certain people any more who I may have been friends with years before I gained an understanding of self worth, who I want in my life and really that sometimes just the things I want won't always go my way but that that is okay. If anyone ever tells they have never lost a friend then I'm sorry but that just isn't true.

IT MAKES YOU UNDERSTAND WHO APPRECIATES YOU:

If there is one thing that I have learnt from people coming in and out of my life it is that you are able to learn when someone is someone you need in your life and when someone is okay to leave. I have been told many times that the people around you are the people who effect your life more then you know, and there for no matter how much you might want someone in your life sometimes they just are not meant to be in your life. There is a line from the movie 'Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind' which reads;  “We met at the wrong time. That’s what I keep telling myself anyway. Maybe one day years from now, we’ll meet in a coffee shop in a far away city somewhere and we could give it another shot.”  The right people can be in your life at the wrong time and that will mean they will add nothing to you. Something that I have learnt is that you need to be able see when someone is adding nothing to your life and stand back and let them go. 



You Are Not Always Innocent: 

Sometimes you fuck up, I know I have, not all fall outs are built up over time, or due to distance or because you grow apart. Sometimes you make a stupid comment or do something silly and then that just can't be rebuilt. These are the worst ones cause there is nothing that you can do. I mean you can apologise but it isn't on you. You were the one to make a mistake so you are the one who needs to be accepted not the other way around. You literally have to wait and hope that the big mistake you did can some how be fixed. 


NUMBERS ARE NOT IMPORTANT: 

To have a small circle of friends and know that they are the ones who will be there and the ones who will help you through everything is better then to be able to stand in a group photo of 30 people and not know if any of them have your back. I have a small circle of friends but they mean the world to me and I'm sure I could rely on any of them to help through anything. You need to be able to understand that the good people in your life are the ones that will help you in yourself and each to each other. 

If there is one thing that I have understood from growing up, it is just how much the people that surround you are the ones who effect it the most. Just think about things when it comes to the people in your life. 

A Not So Common Gift Guide

August 12, 2017
Himalayan Salt Tequila Glasses- Set of 4

I have always said I am never one who is big on my own birthday, everyone who is around me I will go the extra 10 miles but of course like most parents and friends I have been asked a million times what I would love to have as a 21st Birthday present, so there I am looking for something I know I'll love and something which will be ever lasting and why not go to personal, with such a diverse and personalised range of gifts, UncommonGoods will sure fill the present hole you've been searching for. I thought I would be together a small gift guide of the wide and amazing range that there is too offer.  There is everything from the ideal birthday presents to the coolest of gadgets showing you space, iPhones and cameras, quite literally something for everyone.

Gifts For Us Gals: 

Okay so who wants to buy me all these gifts then, any takers, I'll just wait until until the offers come in. 


Gifts For Your Lads:

All the special guys out there need something special and why not something and different. 

If there is something that I have learnt over the years of being the best gift giver anyone would know, and before you say that is a clear observation; it's when you know the best places to find something that's different and out of the box. I'm a sucker for anything that is kind to the environment and doing good to someone else so why not reach out and find the uncommon gift that will show everyone elses up.

5 Thoughts a Chubby Girl Has Before Holiday

July 23, 2017

I go on holiday in 4 days, I've been eating like a rabbit and running like I can run away from all my issues, I've dragged my arse around out of bed and downstairs to quite literally do an insane Insanity work out. So why am I still feeling nervous about putting my arse into a bikini, swaying around the beach and hoping to god my factor 50 lasts and doesn't let my fake ginger skin burn to a crisp. This isn't an ask for "what you talking about Alice, you're not chubby." this is just me saying that I know everyone has little things about going on holiday, whether you're size 6, 16 or 20 there will always be something about walking around in what is at the end of the day water proof underwear that you just might not enjoy. So this is me talking about I'm worried about for holiday and the top one isn't my stomach in a swim suit.

1.  Have I packed enough high waisted bottoms as I can't resort to the hipsters again, I wore them last holiday and couldn't stop staring at my stomach the whole day and I'm sure they make me look bigger, the high waisted ones hold my stomach in  bit more... maybe I should buy an extra pair just in case.

2.  Do I give up carbs for the week leading up to the flight, yes I know I love bread and pasta, oh my god I love pasta but I love a flat stomach even more... oh wait does that mean I can't eat carbs in holiday too, cause that's something I'm really not ready to give up.

3.  How do you stop chub rub again? Was it talcum powder or was it those ugly black cycling short things again? If I buy some pretty ones maybe it won't look so weird when I wear them? I swear I saw some glittery ones one time.

4. Right I'm an adult now I can get on the plane without worrying about my thighs looking swished when I sit down, and the same goes for those sun loungers like there is no elegant way to go from front to back and front and back again, it's more of a swing your legs out option and hope you can stand up quick enough so your stomach is only rolled for a few second, oh yeah and don't forget to pull those bottoms out your arse, walk over to the bar and grab a cocktail or 3!

5. This time it's going to be different, I really won't care about all the above issues and so much more, I want to enjoy this holiday in all my jiggerly lushness and not have to worry about if my arse looks fat, my stomach isn't flat and if there is or isn't a gab between my thighs, cause I deserve this break and that's what I'm going onto that plane thinking about. I'm going to enjoy this time away bumps and all.


Live Your Summer Like An 80's Movie

July 22, 2017

I can't be wrong when I say that I have learnt so many life lessons from movies in the 80's, whether it be having my expectations heightened by the guys involved, learning how to recycle your mums old clothes but the best thing that I can take from these films is just how to have a good time and try and be as adventurous as I can. As well of course as finding my perfect guy, drinking cocktails and layers and layers of gold jewellery and tutus.

THE BREAKFAST CLUB:
Meet New People.....



I am always trying to be more spontaneous and trying to see more new places so of course one of the things that comes along with that is of course when you will literally talk to a brick walk is meeting (hopefully) new people. It's always nice to pitch up a chair and nab that space on the end of the bar and suddenly your party of 3 becomes a party of 7 and well of course that means more drinks and of course more chats. 

FERRIS BEUELLERS DAY OFF: 
Get Out And Do Try Something New......


Okay so ignore the GIF, I don't want you sitting in and doing nothing but once in a while call in work or whatever it is you do Monday to Friday and do something different, I have a habbit of saying I want to go to certain roof top bars in London, exhibitions and cool places and that's just what they end up being, me saying it and never really going to them, so that's all you've got to do go to the place you've been saying you want to go since you say it written in that Time Out article 2 years ago. 

INDIANA JONES: 
Have An Adventure......


Maybe not risk your life stealing treasures and gold but just like before book a quick holiday, a mini break or something you've never done, literally go and fulfil the meaning of spontaneous, I mean climb a tree and if thats what it means but do something so out of your comfort zone that you literally have to call it an adventure to not be classed as mad in order to do it. 

PRETTY IN PINK:
Wear that dress you've been meaning to wear since you brought it in the department store sale last Christmas, oh and don't forget the shoes.....


We all have that outfit that we always think we could wear someone but it isn't just as dressy as you want it to be. Pick the bar you can only afford the snacks at and one glass of champagne and wear the most amazing dress you're yet to own! Throw that dress on and wear it with so much pride that every head will turn in your direction all night. 

DIRTY DANCING: 
Take Up a New Hobbie......


Apart from this being one of quite literally the best films ever made and makes you want to learn to dance, carry a water melon and fall in love with mr Swayze, you should try and follow in the cha cha cha footsteps of baby and take up a new hobbie. Me I've gone less glamorous and taken my running more seriously I mean I would love to swivel my hips like these two but really I know I'll fall flat on my face even if I tried. 

FLASHDANCE:
Simply Dance........ 


Go get a cocktail, your best girlfriends and just do whatever song makes you feel fab. Mine is anything ABBA, the feel good songs that make you want to dance can surely only be the songs of the summer for you so try it, do that. 

EVERY 80'S MOVIE EVER:
Fall In Love......


I Shouldn't Feel Scared On My Runs

July 15, 2017

There should be one thing and one thing that I should be worried about when I go for a run and that is that one of my many slow indie songs appears on shuffle and I loose momentum or simply like the other night I have a rather large excited great dane want to play fetch half way into the 4th mile. I should not have to worry about the fear of the possibility of the person walking on the other side of the road, robbing my phone, calling out abuse or even worse attacking me. Why has it become the normality of so many women to be scared to go out on their own at night. Why is it a joke that when I leave my friend and see a crowd of people her joke is she will hold her keys between her fingers 'just in case' and why am I getting a funny look when I turn my phone flash light on so it is clearly to see over my shoulder in the dark. And yes I know what you're thinking, "why don't you just run in the day time?" "Why don't you just run on main roads?"and "don't be silly people don't get attacked in real life, that's just crime watch making you scared from that one time in 2004.".... no not that last one, okay then just me, but I think you get what I mean, how has making sure locations are set on my phone, I cross the road from a group of guys and pausing my music so I can hear if someone is approaching me now the set and accepted thing for me when all I wanna do is try and loose some tummy chub and dream of hitting 5 miles before I start back up at uni again.   I should not 1. have to fear every time I leave the house on my own once the sun has gone in and 2. you shouldn't be telling me to run in brighter day light or in safer places, you should be telling people it is not okay to make someone feel scared or even create the idea that something bad could happen. 

I am 5ft 10inches, I am a size 14/16, there is no hiding the fact I am not petite or small, I can in some circumstances hold my own, so I will always be the one to offer to walk friends back so they are not on my their and I am the one walking back on my own that is just how I have always been, but I've found myself asking the question a lot lately, you know since I've been going on more runs due to me finally getting my arse in gear and trying this healthy life style kick, why is there in the first place even this idea about being scared to be a female out on my own at night. I'm not even falling into the hideous stereotype of dressing 'like I'm asking for it' which by the way is another moan for another time, but I could be walking down the street with nothing but a sign show casting the words: "boobs" and I still would not be offering you any kind of invitation in any way, at all, not even 0.000001% of an invite to come over to me. So when sweaty Alice is running down the streets at night, hair pulled back, resembling the head mistress from Matilda, a wonderful mustard yellow Adidas top which achieves all the effects of showing every ounce of sweat I produce and the bottom half of my unshaven shines on display there is no stereotype that dictates I would draw any attention to myself from the opposite sex..... so why do I still feel vulnerable when out on my own at night. 

Why should I be told to stay safe and boys and men are not told to "be sure you eat your dinner, don't loose your wallet oh and yeah don't attack any girls as they walk through the street alone tonight, bye Dave." why is this the conversation that we don't hear. 
Instead why am I always hearing these:
" Be sure to message when you get home so I know you got there safe."
"Don't walk that way those boys hang around there drinking this time of night."
"Oh I'll just call you a taxi that'll be safer." 
"Be sure to have your phone on at all times but don't have it on display as people will see it and might think they could steal it." 
"Maybe you should walk round in trousers and change into the skirt when you get there?" 
"Have my number on speed dial!" 

Why are girls taught this is how you stop anyone hurting you, and this is how we protect ourselves, yes in an ideal world no one would hurt anyone and I know it would be stupid to say and assume that everyone is good but surely you can hope just a little bit more or even try to understand why we are the ones protecting ourselves and it isn't people telling guys to not carry out these actions in the first place, that would and now I know this is my opinion but that would make things a hell of a lot better in everyones eyes if you ask me. 

I want to be able to go on a run and not have to speed up when running past a group of lads, I don;t want to have to change my route cause I can see someone walking towards me on the same side of the street and I certainly don't want to have to cut my run short cause I think someone might be following me.

God dam it I'm just a girl trying to reach a target and burn some bread off. 



The Greatest Showman - First look

June 28, 2017

I'm a big film buff and I don't know why I haven't done more posts about film when I'm subscribed to about 10 trailer channels on Youtube, have IMDB app on my phone and would 100% win in the entertainment category in a pub quiz. I always get interested when I see celebrities post about their new up and coming films on social media, and there was just something about seeing my babes Hugh Jackman look no older then 30 in a brand new film that got me interested. Sorry can't help it. 
I know I'm not the only one who would go to the circus when I was younger and still to this day, it makes me a little sad that kids don't seem to get that buzz from the likes of big dramatic feel good shows. As well as the fact that the circus seems to be something which in itself is dying out. So seeing this trailer gave me that soppy feel good feeling that most happy romantic films seem to give me. I know that this could and might even tern out to be a rubbish film, they might have put all the good bits in the trailer and the rest be awful, but I'm sitting her with my fingers and toes crossed that that isn't the case as that this really does present it self as the feel good film of the year. I've been running out of Rom coms lately and this is the next best thing.  

                                              


The sound track sounds great and up beat, and I mean seeing as it was written by the same people as La La Land then I won't be shocked at how good it'll be. Like i've said before it has the likes if Hugh Jackman, as well as Zac Efron, Zendaya and Michelle Williams so I'm just gonna leave the trailer up there and let you all fall in love with it and what it with the same big smile that I had on my face. 

Why Guys Shouldn't Be Scared Of The Word Feminist

June 20, 2017

I once saw a quote that said 'you are either a feminist or you're a bigot' and now by definition Bigot is someone who is intolerant to different opinions, I don't like using this quote as I am always trying to, when it comes to the term feminism to change opinions, so intolerant is not a choice, I want to help change your ideas.  The things that I have found when still talking about feminism to guys I know is that it is still classed as joke, they are not laughing in the face of equal rights, it's not that they think men are better then women or that they are better then me and they are generally nice alright guys and some of my best friends but they do seem to have this idea that calling yourself a feminist is the starting sentence to a rant or an argument about how women should rule the world and make men our slaves, or that in some way or another I'm out to start and argument over something little, making a mountain out of a very small mole hill and cause more drama I mean please it isn't like I walk around with the term imprinted on my forehead....
"Oh yeah hi, I'm Alice, 20 years of age and believe women are better then men and I hate them." 

This by the way is not feminism. This is something completely different and I'm sure it has a name but I don't like to think about women doing that, kinda pisses on my parade if you get me. There has been a change in the way some guys, now you see me say some guys as yes not all guys are like this, some are 100x better and sadly some are 100x worst; however from the main part feminism has become a spin on it's own head. Rather then being the world its meant to be, strong clear and outlining just what type of 'normal' person you are, somehow it has become a reason to assume you're an angry bitch who hate guys. I love guys, some of the best people I know are guys, but also sadly some of the best people I know are also still saying they're not a feminist, and I feel that comes along very hand in hand with the fear of people thinking you're angry and out to get them. I won't lie I don't really care that much if people think I'm an angry feminist, lets be clear though I am not, I'm passionate and too often both of these traits when it comes to subjects such as feminism, race or gender get mixed up together as a reason to call you wrong in the term of a little raised voice or people who just don't seem to listen. With most things In life that any individual becomes passionate about, be it Doctor Who, Game of Thrones, UK Politics, a football team or a band, someone telling you that they agree will always get your back up, so why are women seen as angry and a groupie is passionate and believes in what they believe in. To me and everyone else who describes themselves as a feminist it just seem logic that that is the only choice. 

But it also has be clear that I understand the struggles women have gone through, I've faced them, I've read books about them, I've seen interviews about them and I've seen them happen right in front of my ginger head. So this is why I choose to say I'm a feminist, and this is also why I still can't understand how some men thing it's a bad thing or even scary to admit that they are too. 


I have first hand, as a joke or seriously been told to get back into the kitchen, am I moody because it's my time of month, that I can't do or go as far in work because I'm a women, been called a slag and been called touchy when I got annoyed or reacted back, been called frigid cause I didn't wanna get with someone in a club and had my dressed pulled up by a stranger cause he thought he could, these are the things that I as a 20 year old white female have experienced; but I am also aware of the many other factors which effect my gender in every area from politics, to the media to work and pay. 

The thing is every man or boy came from a women, quite literally without women they wouldn't be here, so it seems to hurt my brain thinking about why some men don't like to use the word feminist, it's not that they don't agree with the values behind it cause they do and it isn't like they don't know what it means but for some reason the word itself is what scares them. If you say you believe in equal rights for both genders and respect women and understand they need and want the same respect men get then you're a feminist. refusing to use the word is like me saying I don't eat meat or fish but refusing to call myself veggie cause some people find the word threatening.


I won't march around the streets with a signs demanding that you all state yourselves as feminists, but it does make the little bit of me feel so happy when I realise we have similar thoughts on equal rights. It's like you've just told me we hate the same person and instantly we've become best friends. You want equal rights and I want equal rights so lets bring people together and stop having the term 'feminism' of being a dirty or embarrassing word. 


We as women help raise our daughters along side the help of men, and those men were raised by women, so wouldn't they want them to grow up strong, proud and equal to all. I take it back tot he quote at the beginning and I simple say that there isn't a middle ground.... you either believe women are equal or you don't I mean if Love Island on ITV can bring up the factor of feminism then surely it's coming into the right light? 

                         




Lorde's New Music Speaks Volume

June 17, 2017

I brushed aside the Spotify notification I received the other day letting me know about the release of Lorde's new music and then today it rolled up on shuffle and quite literally stopped what I was doing to continue to listen to it. I thought I'd put aside the fact that she is only 6 days older then me an already worldwide phenomenon has more talent in one little finger then I do my whole body in 20 years of living, or the fact that I'm insanely jealous her friendship with Jack Antonoff and Lena Dunham to see if it really did live up to everything that I was hoping it would. 

The release of 'Green Light' set the bar high, it over took 'Royals' and made me thing how can we both be in our 20 years of living and she be writing such meaningful and beautiful songs all the while I struggle to write a message in a birthday card. There's something about Lorde which makes you realise she was born singing out the womb and this was the only path for her. Some people like myself try and clamber onto the path we want to go down and it takes us a while to persuade the people that we're half decent and they should totally give us that job, and then there are people like Lorde who just live and breathe it. I mean she's 20.... SHE'S 20! she is one year out of teenage years and already onto her second album, she's equal rights activist, doesn't care about body shamers, stands up for what she believes in is pretty dam bad arse if you want a real opinion on her. 

I would be lying if from one curly haired person to another if I didn't bring up the fact I'm a little hurt she hasn't kept her crazy curls, but the truth is I am willing to look past that if she continues to 110% slay in the music industry. 
As I sit here eating Ferrero Rochers, hiding from the sun and trying to stop my puppy eating my phone charger 'Melodrama' would be the perfect word for me to try and describe how exciting my life is, this is the first and only Saturday I'll get off all summer and I'm hoping that it is more exciting then it really is. So it's kinda a good thing that my neighbours will hear I'm musically cultured and mature. 





A Life Time Of Being The 'Funny Girl'

June 17, 2017
I'll take it, you know I'll have it, I'd rather be funny then nothing, but maybe I should start thinking into it a bit more? Is the funny girl just simply an upgrade of the life long 'fat girl' stereotype. Did I start loving myself, develop a sense of humour after laughing at myself for so long that now funnies my thing. I am the funny girl that just isn't seen as the hot one. Or am I the friend who just is never seen in that way again, that one joke I made that time, and the fact I don't really care at all if I'm seen not looking my best has turnt me into a cynical funny girl who people just don't see as hot. Has my hotness died? And do I have to loose my friendships, or at least become more of a bitch in order to be seen as hot again, How do you regain your hotness once it's walked swiftly away and been replaced by jokes and not caring.

Like I'm okay with being classed as funny, being funny and having a sense of humour comes up in the top 2 things I look for when I fancy people, but do I reach those top two in other peoples eyes, or am I just funny, and in doing so make myself the friend and and it's like the more of a friend I am the less hot I get, does that happen, Is the friendzone really a thing, for years I've been thinking it was something guys who couldn't pull the girl they wanted and then that was the excuse they told their laddy mates. I don't want every friend i have to fancy me, but I'm just asking to not be invisible. And now the thing is I know this sounds like I'm making that exact excuse and that I am in fact saying I should walk around and have people worship at my feet and tell me how beautiful I am, this please be aware is not the case, I'm just asking that the sentence or even the thought of you thinking I'm okay looking isn't so weird to think about. 
You see what I said there, not even sexy, I'm not sexy, that isn't something which is strong on me or even in my vocabulary. My image of me trying to be sexy is something which in my head is a perfectly planned outfit, or maybe not so much of an outfit but a 'look' and I can see myself looking silly or just laughing. I mean I can do sexy, I just know that most people probably don't see me as it, and I'm okay with that, people fall into one of three groups in my head, and it comes down to 3 slang words of which whenever I think of saying out loud make me cringe a little inside. 
These words can put people into 3 groups on how they on averagely look, please don't think too much into this, this is just my logic in how guys brains work from my own 20 years of knowledge. 

Fit: This is the 'typical' girl, the one that most guys no matter their type will find attractive, if you are called fit on the daily, very common or this is the word you hear or would even describe someone as then they are more then likely the girl everyone wants to date and the girls that are what 98% of males will fancy. Then there is,
Pretty: This is a term I prefer to describe people by and of course you can be pretty and fit, but pretty falls into the group more with cute and girly like. this is where I'm aiming to fall, goal target right here, but all the same I don't know how to take either fit or pretty, but I can tell you know out of these two I am not the girl that gets called fit. I never have been and I'm okay with that. I can build over that; then there is the last one, the biggest one of all:
Beautiful: This is where the people go who just annoy me... no I'm only joking they don't annoy me, these girls are the girls that you kinda look at in the street and just wish they were horrible people because then at least you could walk away knowing they were mean and they weren't caved from angels themselves. I would and have never called myself beautiful and to some that might sound like I'm fishing for compliments, which isn't true or called for, I'm just saying that I think I fall somewhere outside the diagram. 
Picture this; a venn diagram of these 3 categories, I'm somewhere floating on the outside, where I value the compliment pretty but would kinda deep down rather be called fit and I'm climbing for the word beautiful. But that doesn't mean I have low self worth or even hate what I look like, yes I wish my tummy didn't do that weird thing when it's flat when laying down but pokes out when I'm sitting up, and I wish my boobs didn't disappear the moment I lay on my back and I wish I didn't hate my arms so that I didn't have to cover them all the time, but I just don't think I fit into the 'everyday' pretty. Maybe that's why I chose to try and be funny. 

So why am I sat here telling you about something that probably isn't a real thing, but then most of the stuff I think about is just me over thinking in my head so you know it could be anything from rubbish to something 50% of all females worry about. I just think that sometimes people forget not classing someone as pretty, or fit, or even beautiful because you're too good of friends, or too close and just happen to one of you have a vagina and the other have a penis is sometimes just as bad as insulting them. A life time of being the 'friend' and the 'funny girl' is okay but when it makes you feel people don't think you look nice sometimes the jokes are a little hard to bring to the surface. 
You see there's this balance, you haven't got to make out that your friend is this giant blob of nothingness cause there is no way you would call them ugly, they're your friend for goodness sake, but also, the moment you say something nice to them isn't going to be a sign for them to jump across the room, rip your clothes off and suddenly fall in love with you. Just there doesn't have to be a fear that friends can't think one another are good looking. From someone who has spent a lifetime worrying about what to wear, how to do my hair and wether someone can see my belly rolls or not when I sit down, and now someone who doesn't or at least tries really hard not to care the friend idea that someone can't be considered to look nice or that comes along as the funny one rather then the pretty friend is hard for me to understand. Why are and why is there this idea that at one point boy and girl friendships will end in something happening, I can look at strangers and say they are good looking and also friends, I can also control myself when it comes to them, so there is no need to worry but being and always have being the funny girl, gets a little old when it starts to sounds like thats your replacement because people don't find your pretty. 



Summer Body?

June 09, 2017

I give out a lot of advice, any situation, I mean I'll normally have an angle that I can come at you with, and wether it's good, or you choose to follow it well that's up to you, but I'll try and and I'll try and fix whatever the problem was in the first place... but then why do I face some of the same problems and not heed my own advice like I think I should. Isn't that the first rule of advice taking, you would have to follow whatever you tell other people to do or else what's the point in telling them in the first place. Well you see that's the thing, I have an issue with taking the wise wise words I say to other people and applying them within my life, that just doesn't seem to come as naturally as saying them does. But there is, like most things in life there is the exception. Something from which if you know me might surprise you just how simple okay I am about this area of advice.....

Yes you guessed it by the body, vest shape piece of toast just above, summer bodies. It rolls round to may and most people say they need to get a summer body, yes there are the people who have a summer body all yeah round and go tot gym as much as I make the 2 minuet walk to the fridge and I'm fine with that, I mean I won't be doing it but I'm cool with that. So here's the thing, why is there, wait no why do we every year before summer starts try to change ourselves into the summer version of us. Why do we run to shred these winter pounds and eat lettuce for 8 weeks in order to look good on the beach? 

Please that wasn't a real question, of course I know why people are trying to loose the weight, they feel better about themselves if they do, they think that socially its more acceptable if they're skinny in the summer, they think that skinnier is prettier in a bathing suit and quite frankly people have been brought up to think it's okay to have winter weight but the worst thing in the world to have it for the summer. 
But, and coming from someone who trust me has spent years trying to come to facts with the fact her tummy pokes out when she sits down, she has never and will never had a thigh gap and who enjoys eating rolls as much as she has them saying it's okay to not have a perfect summer body is a big leap towards the body confidence area I've been clinging onto since hitting puberty and realising this puppy fat is here to stay and turning into pure breed through and through. 


A lot of what I think when it comes to how you see yourself is how you feel, if you feel good, in something that isn't the perfect idea of everyone else's perfect' but you feel great in it and you know it makes you feel good when you put that on then I say where it. I wear a lot of the same outfits over and over again, this yes is due to the fact that I am a poor student and cannot afford to keep buying new clothes but this is also I find things that I love myself in. 
Yes love, it's okay to say love and not be  vain, big headed or full of yourself. I find things I love what I look like in them and then basically I wear them all the time, it's basically knowledge really you find a hot outfit you feel hot in it, you'll be confident and other people will find you hot. I get to comfortable sometimes in accepting that I'm not 'perfect' and that turns into laziness and I stop trying, but really I should see myself as perfect and that's when I feel good, It's kinda like the unspoken rule of girls never going shopping on their period cause there is no way you will find something you like, no matter how many times someone tries to tell you you look good, because your mind is full of hormones and menstruation and that comes before everything in the self love department. So apart from those 3-5 days a month, feeling love for your will quite literally shine out of you. Find a good look and kill while wearing it.  


I'm going on holiday in June, and yes it is true the first thing that came into my head is "oh my god I'm gonna have to drop 3 dress sizes, my best friend is tiny and I'm not and I'm gonna look like a huge whale next to her, and people will judge me, and people will think I've eaten the third person on this holiday!" But then I reaslised that I had so many more things to worry about, and that I want to exercise not for loosing weight, like that would be a good side effect but really I want to do more running as that is the only exercise I do not get bored with, I want to do more running so that I can come back after summer and beat my flat mate or at least come close to beating him on a run. I care more about that then I do what I look like in a bikini. I look okay in swim wear and most of the time I'll buy ones and certain types that I know I like so the more I thought about it the more I started to notice I wasn't that bothered by it and I just kinda assumed that I should be. Which really I'm not. 

So I think what I'm trying to say, as I sit on my bed and think about buying pretty swim wear and more holiday clothes that I can't really afford is that the 'summer body' is whatever you want it to be. There isn't a size that makes you look good in a bikini because if you don't feel good in it yourself then you won't feel good 1, 2 or 3 stone lighter. Make your summer body whatever you want it to be. 




One foot In The Real World, One Still in Bed

June 06, 2017

I don't know about you but I am constantly trying to justify to myself that I am growing up and that there is now no running away from the fact that people will call me an adult, so maybe it should stop being a surprise when it hits me at random times that I'm not a child anymore, I mean I'm not even a teenager anymore. It's little things you know, the fact I live with people who even though are only a year younger then me, are in fact still called teenagers, the fact I still live at home when I'm not at uni and strongly rely on my mum so my clothes are clean and to make my bed for, or is it the fact I'm still in a job and a position that I've been in for, for nearly 3 years and still only a sales assistant; these are the things that keep me grounded in the area of I'm not ready to be an adult. But then on the hand I think I am, I get involved in politics, I understand what debt and an overdraft is and I can totally cook a whole Christmas dinner for a flat of 7 including 2 vegetarians. So I'm in this limbo of the middle of being adult and still not ready to hang up my child gloves. So where does that put me in the looks of everything. Am I an adult or am I just trying to be and keeping it fun? 


When people say I remember it like it was yesterday it's just always one of those things that get stuck in my head because there are certain things that I can still recite like it was happening to me now and you wanted a detailed play by play of everything from the weather to the lunch I ate that day then I could give it to you.  And thinking about time going by is one of those Brian Cox things that hurt your head the deeper you get, the more you think about growing up and getting older will forever be something that my writing, fashion focused brain just simply cannot comprehend, but time going on is something that is forcing me into he adult world, I mean really I have no choice, unless I wanna spend my days locked in my room at home never leaving never moving on then adult life is something I will be pushed head first into without a choice or even a vote. Alice better hold onto her hat, magazine collection and soft cushions all before bills, cable and weekly shopping become the most important things in your life. 20 will seem like a breeze in 10 years. 

I've finished my first year of university, and it's kinda scary as hell that I only have to go through this twice more before I am well and truly done with education forever, I will be expected to move out, buy a house and have a real job, the days of living with my mum and not paying money for a roof over my head will have felt quite literally been like the good old days. I am doing the very student thing and celebrating finishing first year by going out three nights in a row all at once and now only have I decided that I might not be able to do that, this weird limbo of not quite and adult but still not really a child has brought along with it a weird 'I can't handle that much alcohol or nights out anymore.' Instead I need a break and a good week to recover, this is something that I will not be getting over the next week. 

There is a long list of things that I'm not quite ready to add to the list of things I already have, does this mean I need to knock some off in order to make them all fit? 

- Bill paying, I kinda like my money to clothes and food 
- Making important phone calls, I called Legal and general the other week and never want to do it again.
- A 9-5 job, I love my 4 hour shifts and then go home and do whatever I want to.
- People calling me old, I never want anyone to call me old, like seriously, ever. 
- Not living with my dogs, I miss them more then my left arm, you know if I was to loose my left arm. 

I'm comfortable being what I am, I don't like the sound of adult just yet but I hate been called a child and can't be called a teenager anymore, so I'll sit in this weird place of limbo for as long as I can and then when I have to face the real world, well then I'll do the adult thing and drink a bottle of wine to drown my sorrows.
Oh wait I do that already. 


It's Sunday, Don't Just Stay In Bed

June 04, 2017

If you are anything like me and basically most Sundays are for lay ins and not pjs then this might be something for you, I have just woken up a little tired from seeing Elton John last night, a little scared to go back to London after last night and now a little bored that my plans have been cancelled. But it's okay, cause if there is one thing Sundays are made for it is making plans that I do like to say that I am a morning person but it seems that Sundays are the hardest day to get up and be motivated, I sit scrolling through my Instagram feed looking at London brunches and seaside breakfasts, with people so put together at 9 in the morning I think I was still dreaming about eggs to even consider eating one, but this is something that I would like to change. Cause the think is I'm finished with uni now, yes year 1 of 3 is now complete and I don't really know what to do with myself, I'm done with work, I've come home for the weekend and then traveling back to Nottingham only to move out next week for the entire summer, and I'm making a promise to myself to make sure that I get up more on Sundays, I wanna see what they have to offer, before it gets to 4 o'clock everyday time and then suddenly I regret not getting up earlier. So I summer resolution to me, get up earlier on Sundays. 

- Walk - 
Okay so I know this sounds like a real simple one but like it gets your arse out of bed and makes you get up and see things. I think in the whole time I have been at university I have gone on my walks and made myself get out when I actually have free time and now that I'm sat in bed I'm kinda annoyed at myself for not now. But I'm also gonna push this on and say make it a run, I have bailed on 2 6am runs while at university, and just like more walks I'm gonna go on more runs too. I hope. 

- Breakfast - 
Roll up those sleeves, find the boomerang app and go and have that Instagram inspired brunch, you're allowed to have brunch as we're not weirdos and getting up to be out and ready by 8 might be a bit much to ask. Tie your french bull dog up to the post, order your eggs royal and take a photo of a nottinghill door. 

- Visit Someone - 
Okay so coming from someone who works in retail throughout the holidays and the times i'm not at uni, this is a bit of a bold statement but isn't Sundays when most people have time off and when most peoples days of coinside with each other, so why not go see family, friends or anyone and just have a cuppa tea and talk about all the embarrassing things that happened on that work do the night before. Trust me a lot can be said on a Sunday morning catch up over tea and toast. 



 
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