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I Think I'm Getting Old

October 13, 2017

It seems to be a regular thing that I would rather stay in then go to house parties and clubbing, so should I be worried if I'm preferring to put on big pants rather then the nice lace numbers that I own and does it mean a bad thing that I'm drinking wine with dinner just as I have seen many single middle aged women do on American TV shows, you know the ones where they're the c'cool' single friends with no child, cool of course meaning alone and unlovable. I mean that isn't me is it?
(Adjusts large knicker waist band and zips up fleece.) I always thought I'd be able to laugh of the fact when my mum says I'm not allowed to class myself as 'cosy' at 20 so why do i always want to be cosy over anything. I've started to find myself calling everyone who does anything for me, helps me even hands me some bog roll, darling, like everyone I meet is 45 years younger then me. I should be the one surely people are calling darling. It's happened again, I've fallen into the black hole of being the mum and adult of the group and left that role behind to be the nan of everything. All I'm missing the foul mouth language, grey hair and knitted waist coat. 

Okay Note To Self: STOP ACTING LIKE A GRANMA AND GO OUT AND DO SOMETHING.
(Long as you're still able to get a decent amount of sleep and remember to take your vitamins in the morning.) 

I swear I use to be cool, back when I tried hard to be cool that is, like when  wanted to sound call by saying I shopped in charity shops and discovered new bands on Spotify. Now I feel everyone is doing that and well I've just become kinda  hermit. On the hermit level of living under a rock and just owning a rock I think I'm ready to move on from just owning it. I'm ready to be cosy. How have I become 20 and aged about 50 years. 
Hi and welcome to the very new remake of 20 going on 21  65: Starring Alice, and of yeah that's about it really, just Alice on her own with her fleece and bed socks. 
Now that I think about it maybe it's just that I'm feeling like death warmed up with a sore throat, running nose and a horrible head. Or maybe i have just become the old women I always feared. 

This is an update to this post as I was having something some strange head thing where I seemed to have lost all energy to even write. I am more hung over then I have been in a while and it is even more of a sign that I am feeling old. Gin just doesn't eave me feeling good like I use to, you know I never use to feel like this the morning after so why is it happening to me now, well of course i know the answer.... I'm getting old and it's a sign to stop, there things I wanna do as I seem to be growing up and right next to the typical go travelling and find someone to love list of things to do I really wanna be able to stop drinking and just not need it when I go out as that is something I am finding lately. So old Alice just needs to be okay with a heavy head in the morning and not being 100% for the next 1-2 business days. 


I joint a Gym

October 07, 2017

So I joint the gym and I did it for me and not for weight loss or for the satisfaction of anyone else other then me. I mean like I am a little heart broken that I am paying a monthly amount of money that I don't think I can really afford but you know I'm sure that as I sit here at my table trying to make the charger reach and the awful wifi work that it will pay off, well that's what I'm hoping if not then a strong worded letter will hopefully work in my favour of getting a refund. That's how it works right? 

So here's the thing, I've joint the gym, I have a gym buddy I'm going quite regularly and I'm really enjoying it, I am however still facing a few things which are kinda getting me down, it took me all of one session to stop caring about that random sweat patch that appears on all the seats where your bum was placed, cause the way I'm looking at it is that if I'm sweating even from my arse then something must be working. It took me all of one session to stop worrying about my mustard yellow vintage Adidas t-shirt over dramatically highlighting the sweat on my back, neck, armpits and under my boobs. But it does still however kinda get to me when I think people are watching or not even watching but looking at me like there is no point in doing this as I'm never gonna be a size 8 and I mean it is simply a thought that comes into play only every now and again, you know the moments when the doubt comes in or when I have to move the 35kg up to the 10kg cause for some reason I thought the muscle from 4 years ago might still be there. (Spoiler alert it isn't, I don't think thats made an appearance for a long time. if you see it then please send it back to me.) But more then anything I think I have to really look at myself, not too close cause my red puffy gym face isn't something to be admired too close, but really look at myself from a far distance and remember that least I'm here. 

I think that is this is idea behind going to the gym which I have always kinda had in my head, I haven't set foot in a gym roughly give or take 4 years, so going back into this one was always going to be a bit more then normal for me, you see I have always been a runner and I use the term runner loosely, I could run maybe 6k on a flat surface 3 times a week, you know when I managed to find the motivation and the energy to do so. So a gym really wasn't something that I had on the top of my head. But I did it anyway, so I need to remove the idea about going to a gym and doing exercise in front of everyone and having the possibility of them looking and seeing just how much I am sweating from my butt and just kinda get on with it. I need to remember that it is a good thing if I look tired, I mean if I'm gonna do a Bridge Jones and fall off the cycle machine I want someone staring at me so at least they can save me when I do. And I mean of course inside we all kinda wanna hope that someone will be looking at my (sweating) bum when I'm on that strange walking machine that I still don't know how to use. Cause if you can look at me waddling on that then basically anyone can look at me. (Sorry feminism but you know if I can look that bad and still have someone appreciate my behind then I'll take that.) 


Something that I am trying to get my head around is the mix of eating and gym cause all I wanna do is eat cheese and pasta, cheese on pasta and cheese mixed in with pasta and bread! So what does that mean? Am I doing this wrong am I not suppose to be doing this? I am meant to have the lettuce and what else? Maybe if I live by the words that carbs will give me energy then I won't feel so bad about eating so many of them. Well thats my logic anyway. 




If I knew What I was Doing I'd Tell You

September 19, 2017

Of course I have a plan, of course when I moved into my tiny university box room with my 3 suitcases of clothes and boxes of fairy lights I started with the idea that I would be this creative student with all these brights ideas and all this motivation to make myself into the person that my mum tells all her friends I'm going to be. So when I get these bad days, or sometimes weeks I feel that I'm failing myself in what I said I was going to be, but then I try and pin point what that exactly is and I find myself struggling through my own head to understand the moment I decided that. And you know what I realise I kinda never have. So why am I worrying so much about what I'm aiming towards. Yes I want to be successful and I want to be the best at what I do. But I wanna make sure that I enjoy it when I do it and I wake up every morning happy to do so. So if I'm pushing myself into something I haven't got that overwhelming drive for then clearly that isn't what I want to do. I've been struggling over the summer to weigh out the balance between uni life and home life, between still having motivation to do things and be brave enough to do the things I want to do and the go through with the ideas that I have. You see that's where I fall down, I will have an idea, I'll tell people they'll like it but I'll be too scared to put it out there just in case it doesn't go the way I wanted or people don't react in the same way to the first people I told. But then I thought to myself I need follow my own advice and stop worrying a lot less about what people thought of my ideas. Not every single one I have is going to be the best idea in the world but every idea i do as long as I love it then that's one of the most important parts for me. So I decided I'm gonna do more projects and more writing of things I love and the things I wanna see out here in the world. I've gotta stop sitting by and letting other people have great ideas cheering them along while the whole of mine sit written down in a handful of note pads. Stop letting what I wanna do dwell in the pages and actually go forward and do it. I mean why not. I'll just get more annoyed at myself if I don't. 

THINGS THAT ARE GOING TO CHANGE IN TERMS OF GETTING MY ARSE UP AND DOING THE THINGS I WRITE DOWN IN MY SILLY NOTE BOOKS: 
  • Making sure I wake up in a good time. Now I know that this kinda sounds silly and obvious, but the moment I lay in past 9 I feel as though my body stops wanting to function and suddenly I'm not getting out of bed till 11/12 and then half the day is wasted and I just choose to do nothing and get nothing completed. 
  • If I write an idea for a blog post or project down and I am giving myself a week to complete it. No more then a week if I leave it longer then a week then I'm not allowing myself to do it, so if I loose it then it's my fault. No more putting of things cause I'm hiding behind the fact I can't do it with I'm too scared to do it. 
  • Get myself to the gym and complete it. I've googled and researched and found a 24 hour gym round the corner from my new house so thats it, I'm taking myself off there once I'm moved in making myself go early in the mornings when I don't have uni and late in the evenings when I do. My bursts of exercise come and go and stop way too often so gonna make sure that this time around I  do it for real and myself feel better. This isn't for weight loss, I mean that would be fab if I did but its more for just making myself feel good about everything. 
  • Remember to see more things, go to the exhibitions you wanted to go to and go see the shows you want to and the talks. And it doesn't matter if you go on your own cause you wanna go and thats kinda all you need. If you fond someone great but if you don't its not the end of the world. 



NYFW 2017 | If I Could Steal It I Would

September 17, 2017

It's the highlight of the fashion calendar in the fashion capital of America and the one thing that everyone has their eye set on, Sitting front row at a show in the big apple. But for some of us we can't always make it and now the catwalks have moved onto my home of London it only seems right to show off the best looks from the Spring/Summer 18 ready to wear collections of New York Fashion Week 2017.  

Oscar De La Renta:











Zero + Maria Cornejo:



TOME:





ANNA SUI:







Carolina Herrera:





All Images: WWD





I'm So Ready For The Cold | Winter Fashion

September 13, 2017

I don't know if it's just me but I'm fed up of waking up seeing the sun, thinking it'll be nice outside and it's so misleading that I end up freezing to death on the way to work, or entering a building without a coat even on my person and leaving that same place 1 hour later and wishing that I'd packed a thermal, gloves and scarf just to walk to the car. So I'm just hoping that soon the weather makes up it's mind cause now I've brought a new scarf and know the new coat I NEED to add to my collection I'm kinda ready for it to be cold now. Yes I said it. The C word. I'm ready for it to be gold, have my tea in a travel flask and build the layers up so I resemble Joey from friends that one time he stole all of Chandlers clothes. These are the clothes I wanna be wearing when that cold block decides to hit. 






The Feminist Lingerie Advert You Didn't Know You Needed

September 06, 2017

Why this lingerie advert is the feminist message we didn't know We needed: 
                


Underwear.... I'm a fan in fact I know sometimes underwear and a good bra can be the make or break of a good start to the day we didn't know we needed but as far as knowledge goes my arms stretch out to ASOS and maybe the fancy section of Marks and Spencer's in a sale so how comes this underwear brand is spreading the empowerment message that we all never knew we needed to see. 

Body control. It's something that is so easy to say but do we really complete it. It's easy yes to say I love my body and I do with it as I want but that doesn't mean we can see the same in the media or in shops. Put your hands up in the air if you really just don't care any more about the female gaze being used to sell a mans watch or a car or their bloody aftershave. Why are and have women been use as a pushed to get men to want to buy something. I'm sorry to break it too you guys. It doesn't mean the moment to spray that scent secret angel models will drop from the ceilings begging to love you. I don't need a half naked Ryan gosling to help me buy a watch I mean it might make the process more fun but I'll buy a watch cause I like the way it looks on  my wrist and one that has the most 'is that brand new or 20 years old ascetic' I can find. So why do men? 

And now you might think, but this is a lingerie advert Alice, men can look at this and wish their girlfriends were looking like these models do in the items. But this advert does so much more. This advert takes the women involved being oggelled (which yes is a real word) stated at and a type of male entertainment and flips it on their head. They wanna stop them from looking and enjoy each other all for the fact they know they look unreal in what they're wearing. From the start it's easy for them to stop the men from watching. But they prove they are in control, the women have the power to show them as much as they want or as little until they decide other wise. You wanna stare at my arse cause I know it looks good then do so but you can only stair at my arse while I decided it's okay and you're not allowed to see more then that!  They don't loose clothes to please the men they do it to please themselves. Taking the power back. 

For way to long men have seen to the fact that women are their as something to marvel at when they please and how they please some men see no boundaries and some think they should just 'deserve' to see women as they want to see them. But today I think you know it's okay to make people wait and to call the shots on how you want people to see you. If there is something that makes you feel good then you should and are able to do it without the pressures of others maybe not approving or enjoying it. You wanna take your clothes off to a game of strip pool in underwear I'll probs never buy them you be my absolute guest 

Are You On Trend Wearing Your Oversized Shirt

August 29, 2017

I feel about oversized shirts how I feel about most 'trendy' fashion items, that I really wanna be able to wear them and pull them off but then feel like when it comes to wearing it I feel a little like a fish out of water and don't really know how I look and feel a bit like I should be going to bed and not outside. There is always that flash image of films when the women have finished sleeping with the guy and suddenly the only thing they have free to where, you know when all their clothes have gone is the random shirt lying around on the floor, and of course this has been used after years of guys saying it's one of the sexiest things their girls can do is wear their large shirts and walk around in those, but why is this such a turn on? I get it totally! I mean you know if I had a boyfriend who had a shirt I could wear then I would cause it does make you feel sexy, the closest I have come is my oversized night shirt from Primark; but you know I can imagine and assume its from a guy, but somehow I think the pink stitched on 'Good Night' message on the pocket might be the tell tale sign it isn't. And seeing as you can quite literally have this oversized look in any style that you want, be it from off the should, to one shoulder to covering your shoulders up, after sex, before sex or just nipping to the shops, it's pretty much the unsung hero trend of the summer. 


                               
                                           
                                      

                                    


       
      
 
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