A Life Time Of Being The 'Funny Girl'

I'll take it, you know I'll have it, I'd rather be funny then nothing, but maybe I should start thinking into it a bit more? Is the funny girl just simply an upgrade of the life long 'fat girl' stereotype. Did I start loving myself, develop a sense of humour after laughing at myself for so long that now funnies my thing. I am the funny girl that just isn't seen as the hot one. Or am I the friend who just is never seen in that way again, that one joke I made that time, and the fact I don't really care at all if I'm seen not looking my best has turnt me into a cynical funny girl who people just don't see as hot. Has my hotness died? And do I have to loose my friendships, or at least become more of a bitch in order to be seen as hot again, How do you regain your hotness once it's walked swiftly away and been replaced by jokes and not caring.

Like I'm okay with being classed as funny, being funny and having a sense of humour comes up in the top 2 things I look for when I fancy people, but do I reach those top two in other peoples eyes, or am I just funny, and in doing so make myself the friend and and it's like the more of a friend I am the less hot I get, does that happen, Is the friendzone really a thing, for years I've been thinking it was something guys who couldn't pull the girl they wanted and then that was the excuse they told their laddy mates. I don't want every friend i have to fancy me, but I'm just asking to not be invisible. And now the thing is I know this sounds like I'm making that exact excuse and that I am in fact saying I should walk around and have people worship at my feet and tell me how beautiful I am, this please be aware is not the case, I'm just asking that the sentence or even the thought of you thinking I'm okay looking isn't so weird to think about. 
You see what I said there, not even sexy, I'm not sexy, that isn't something which is strong on me or even in my vocabulary. My image of me trying to be sexy is something which in my head is a perfectly planned outfit, or maybe not so much of an outfit but a 'look' and I can see myself looking silly or just laughing. I mean I can do sexy, I just know that most people probably don't see me as it, and I'm okay with that, people fall into one of three groups in my head, and it comes down to 3 slang words of which whenever I think of saying out loud make me cringe a little inside. 
These words can put people into 3 groups on how they on averagely look, please don't think too much into this, this is just my logic in how guys brains work from my own 20 years of knowledge. 

Fit: This is the 'typical' girl, the one that most guys no matter their type will find attractive, if you are called fit on the daily, very common or this is the word you hear or would even describe someone as then they are more then likely the girl everyone wants to date and the girls that are what 98% of males will fancy. Then there is,
Pretty: This is a term I prefer to describe people by and of course you can be pretty and fit, but pretty falls into the group more with cute and girly like. this is where I'm aiming to fall, goal target right here, but all the same I don't know how to take either fit or pretty, but I can tell you know out of these two I am not the girl that gets called fit. I never have been and I'm okay with that. I can build over that; then there is the last one, the biggest one of all:
Beautiful: This is where the people go who just annoy me... no I'm only joking they don't annoy me, these girls are the girls that you kinda look at in the street and just wish they were horrible people because then at least you could walk away knowing they were mean and they weren't caved from angels themselves. I would and have never called myself beautiful and to some that might sound like I'm fishing for compliments, which isn't true or called for, I'm just saying that I think I fall somewhere outside the diagram. 
Picture this; a venn diagram of these 3 categories, I'm somewhere floating on the outside, where I value the compliment pretty but would kinda deep down rather be called fit and I'm climbing for the word beautiful. But that doesn't mean I have low self worth or even hate what I look like, yes I wish my tummy didn't do that weird thing when it's flat when laying down but pokes out when I'm sitting up, and I wish my boobs didn't disappear the moment I lay on my back and I wish I didn't hate my arms so that I didn't have to cover them all the time, but I just don't think I fit into the 'everyday' pretty. Maybe that's why I chose to try and be funny. 

So why am I sat here telling you about something that probably isn't a real thing, but then most of the stuff I think about is just me over thinking in my head so you know it could be anything from rubbish to something 50% of all females worry about. I just think that sometimes people forget not classing someone as pretty, or fit, or even beautiful because you're too good of friends, or too close and just happen to one of you have a vagina and the other have a penis is sometimes just as bad as insulting them. A life time of being the 'friend' and the 'funny girl' is okay but when it makes you feel people don't think you look nice sometimes the jokes are a little hard to bring to the surface. 
You see there's this balance, you haven't got to make out that your friend is this giant blob of nothingness cause there is no way you would call them ugly, they're your friend for goodness sake, but also, the moment you say something nice to them isn't going to be a sign for them to jump across the room, rip your clothes off and suddenly fall in love with you. Just there doesn't have to be a fear that friends can't think one another are good looking. From someone who has spent a lifetime worrying about what to wear, how to do my hair and wether someone can see my belly rolls or not when I sit down, and now someone who doesn't or at least tries really hard not to care the friend idea that someone can't be considered to look nice or that comes along as the funny one rather then the pretty friend is hard for me to understand. Why are and why is there this idea that at one point boy and girl friendships will end in something happening, I can look at strangers and say they are good looking and also friends, I can also control myself when it comes to them, so there is no need to worry but being and always have being the funny girl, gets a little old when it starts to sounds like thats your replacement because people don't find your pretty. 



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